


Falling to you

by TheDeadAreWalking



Category: Far Cry 5
Genre: Angst, Hurt!Deputy, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-06-03 16:00:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19467325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDeadAreWalking/pseuds/TheDeadAreWalking
Summary: After Rook is injured John is the only one around to help him





	1. The Fall

**Author's Note:**

> I've actually written the full story but its able to go longer if people like it.

There was something a little pathetic about dying alone in the middle of the woods.

Before Hope County, he always pictured his death being mundane but a little heartfelt. He imagined laying in a sick bed surrounded by his children and grandchildren and he'd have something life-changing to say to them before he drew his last breath. Lately, his vision had been a bit more heroic. He's been thinking about going out in a blaze of glory. He's not quite sure how but he was thinking something along the lines of saving a baby and punching Joseph in the face before Jacob shot him in the face. Something people would remember and tell their kids about.

Hell, even getting killed by a random peggie would be better than this.

Instead, he's going to die alone.

Bleeding out at the foot of a mountain.

He didn't realize he'd wandered that far away from everyone but if the past ten minutes of radio static were any indicator he'd say he's strayed a little too far home. Usually, that wouldn't be an issue but usually, he wasn't alone and usually, he didn't twist his leg then slide down the side of a mountain and end up with a deep cut on his leg that was bleeding way too much.

But usually, cults didn't end up with enough power to erect a giant creepy statue on the top of mountains so maybe this was too be expected.

Who's to say what's normal anymore?

Rook slammed his hands down and tried to push up but the pain in his back and hip forced him back down to the wet ground. He knew if he didn't get up to slow the bleeding soon it wouldn't matter if anyone picked up the other line on the radio. With that in mind, Rook grit his teeth and shoved up harshly until he was upright. His vision and hearing went fuzzy for a moment before he regained some sense of his surroundings.

Rook looked up at the mountain he'd just gracefully tumbled down and finally realized how lucky he was to even be breathing right now. Then, he looked down. Looking down was worse. His ankle was bent at an unsettling angle while his leg was bleeding at a steady pace. 

Rook slid his belt off and carefully tied it on his leg above the cut to try stopping the flow of blood before he passed out. He reached out and grabbed the radio again. None of this would matter if he couldn't get a hold of someone to help. He pressed the button on the radio again, "Seriously, if anyone's listening I really need you to answer."

Static answered back. He'd been trying for minutes, growing more desperate each attempt, "Fuck. Anyone? Like this is a matter of life and death. My life and possible death to be more specific."

"Where are you?" It figures this is how his day would go. Maybe dying in the woods wasn't such a bad idea. Maybe some nice wolves would eat him. "Deputy?"

"Fuck off," Rook couldn't believe his luck. He's certain he'd in the Whitetail Mountains but he must have wandered into the valley at some point. He could hear the radio click a few times like someone was starting to say something then deciding not to. He yanked it to his mouth, "Would you stop that? I need the channel open for someone to answer me. Which, by the way, anyone listening, please help."

Rook glanced around to see if any of his belongings survived the fall. His bag was about a foot away along with a few useless items scattered around. Nothing that would help him get out of here. He spent another minute considering if he should wait a little more for help before he decided that dying alone wasn't actually that fun and way too lonely for him. He dug his fingers into the ground and pulled himself to his bag and pulled out his sniper from the side pouch. Rook propped himself up against a tree and he started pushing up while using the rifle as leverage to keep his balance.

Thank god for the NRA and the overabundance of guns in America without whom he never would have had the perfect deadly cane.

Rook pushes off the tree to try and stand on his own with but the moment he put weight on his bad leg it gave out and he fell back to the ground with a thud and a new wave of pain shooting through him. Leaning back against the tree, he looked up at the clear blue sky before banging his head back a few times. He'd been so stupid to go out alone. He wasn't from here. As much as he could handle himself in a gunfight and hunt game he didn't know the land.

The radio crackled at his side, "What's wrong?"

Rook clenched his jaw and snapped the radio from the ground, "I'm bleeding out in the middle of the woods, John. Happy?"

"Far from it," came the snapped reply.

Room hated him. He hated him more than he hated Jacob. More than even Joseph. Something about John made him so upset he didn't understand it. Maybe it had to do with the nonstop radio calls that always seemed a little too targeted or the fact that when he wanted to get Rook it was always presented as a choice even if it wasn't. Made it seem like Rook has to come to him if he wanted him.

Rook always went.

His other siblings didn't give that choice.

But Rook would willingly go to John every time. He faced whatever trails John put him through. It was infuriating. And every time John seemed so pleased that he'd come with open arms. Even if he came with a gun in hand, John never seemed to care.

"I doubt that. I know Jacob will through a party once he finds out I'm rotting in the woods. You're all going to probably live it up once I die. Eden can open for business. Hey, you get to deliver the news to everyone considering you're the only person around. Lucky you," Rook laughed into the radio while gently probing the cut on his leg. The bleeding had slowed slightly but there was still too much flowing for him to have much time. He didn't even dare look to see if it was cut to the bone. He knew it was.

He should be in so much more pain than he's in.

"Joseph would be unhappy if you died. God has plans for you," John sounded like he was in a car now. Rook wonders if he was driving away from wherever he was to tell Joseph the news, "You know this."

"I forgot about that. The whole God's plan. Really throws a wrench into me dying and everything, huh?" Rook could see the sun was just starting to fall in the sky. He had a few hours until night but at least now he knew which way was east.

"I would be unhappy if you died also," John mumbled. If Rook didn't know better he'd think it sounded like a confession.

Rook pulled out his map and started trying to piece together his location. He started at the last place he was sure he was and worked from there, "Pissed I haven't given my confession yet?"

"Among other things," John answered vaguely.

Rook paused and stared at the radio, "What other things could possibly make you unhappy about me dying, besides messing up God's plan and me not spilling my guts to you?"

He knew this conversation shouldn't have been a priority right now but something in John's tone sounded unsettled. He seemed worried. Far more worried than he should be. Rook now has a general idea where he was although that did little to improve his current happenstance.

He was starting to notice his vision blurring. That couldn't be good

"I had hoped, still hope, that you and I could become more than what we are now. Joseph has told me that if I love you, if I stop letting my own hate guide me, that you will let me in. That you will join us."

Rook was sure he was already passed. He didn't know how to even answer something like that. He knew John was a little obsessed with getting him to join. More than Faith and Jacob at least. But he seemed to be talking about more than the cult. More than just getting Rook to join them. This sounded like John wanted him to join him.

Rook was defiantly already passed out because there's no way his heart tightened a little at the thought.

"Deputy?"

"I'm going to pass out, I think."

"Please tell me where you are," John called out urgently, "I can get to go."

Rook realized he should have told John half an hour ago where he thought he might be but now it was probably too late, "I don't know. John, I don't know where I am."

Rook looked down at the map again. The words and colors all blurred together. He knew he was somewhere near the region's borders.

"Deputy," John pressed, "Keep talking? You have to stay awake."

Rook was sure this was all a dream and that he actually died a few minutes ago because John sounded desperate and that couldn't be right, "I think I'm somewhere by your fucking sign. I thought I was in the Whitetail's but now I'm over here somewhere. Fuck. It's starting to fuckin hurt now."

Rook's hand fell limp to his side and the radio fell with it. His hearing was starting to sound clogged but he could hear John's cry's from the radio growing more frantic the longer he didn't answer. It seemed important to try and answer him when he sounded so scared. John wasn't supposed to get scared. He wasn't human. Rook moved to try and grab the radio but his arms felt like a dead weight against the ground.

Probably for the best. Who knows what he'd say to John while at death's door. Might be too close to a confession for either of their likings.

The world began to fade and it was a lot less scary than he'd thought it would be. A lot like falling asleep. Sleep sounded nice.

Rook closed his eyes as he slumped fully against the tree.

Then he wasn't asleep. He wasn't asleep and he was in pain.

The first thing Rook noticed was the pain.

Pain everywhere.

Pain like he'd never felt before.

It felt like he'd fallen off the side of a mountain.

Oh right.

Rook groaned and tried to sit up when a hand on his chest stopped him. His eyes flew open and quickly followed the hand to a set of blue eyes. They both froze. His first thought and probably not the most important was that he couldn't believe he actually managed to find him. His second thought was that he looked as tired as Rook's body felt.

"You shouldn't move," John told him. Rook, against his better judgment, if he had any of that at all, moved to lay back in bed. The simple act of compliance sent a flash of joy across the others face. "The doctor says you shouldn't try to leave for a week, probably more. You're at high risk for infection and with the lack of medicine around you won't last long." Rook nodded and looked around the room. At first, he assumed John would take him to the bunker but it seemed like he was in a house. Something about this place was familiar.

"How long have I been asleep?" Room croaked out. John reached for a glass of water on the side table and raised it to his lips. Rook greedily drank down as much water as he could before John took the glass away again.

"Four days," John answered simply as if he hadn't been obviously providing care for the enemy for the past four days. Rook tried to move his leg and felt the tug of stitches, his ankle seemed to be tightly wrapped too.

"Why'd you even come for me? Why not just drop me on the roadside? Someone would have found me eventually," Rook realized where he was. This was the Seed Ranch. This was John's house.

John curled his nose, "You think I'd trust those animals to take care of you. I told you God needs you alive."

Rook couldn't believe this was happening. He didn't see any weapons laying around not that it mattered he doesn't think he could even stand if he tried, "Does he know I'm here?"

John glanced away and shift uncomfortably, "No. The Father doesn't know of your coming yet. I thought it best to wait until you were awake to let him know."

"John Seed keeping secrets from The Father. Never thought I'd see the day," he teased lightly.

"Don't mock me," John sharply spit.

"I'm not," Rook raised his hands in surrender, "Thank you for not telling him. Seriously, if he knew I was here I would've had to wake up to him looming over me. I prefer you instead."

Color rose in John's face, "Yes, I thought he may make the situation tenser than it needs to be." John paused, "Jacob knows."

Rook cringed, "Why?"

"You needed blood," John answered smartly, "you almost died."

"Uh huh?" Rook

"Jacob is a universal donor."

Rook tried to sit up again, "I have Jacob's blood in me."

"Yes."

Rook laid back in bed, "Great." They lapsed into a tense silence, "Now what?"

"I'm not sure, honestly," John absently rapted his foot on the ground.

"Wait," Rook smiled, "Are you winging this?"

John glared, "I don't wing things. I have a doctorate from Harvard. I'm a registered lawyer in over five states. I do things with purpose," John paused and looked away, "but yes, perhaps I haven't thought this through completely."

"Lucky for you I don't think anything through."

"Clearly."

"I guess I have to stay here until I can stand."

John eyed him cautiously before a smile played at his lips, "Yes I guess you have to stay."

"I'm going to get out the minute I can stand," Rook challenged.

John nodded, "Of course. Until then though," he stood and moved to leave, "you'll have to stay."


	2. The Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rook begins to grow closer to the man who saved his life and hears a voicemail he doesn't think he was meant to hear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im really hoping people like this story because it really means a lot to me and took a lot of conviction to write.

It had been over a week since Rook had fallen into John's lap and the initial tension had slowly started to dissipate but something still felt odd between them. Neither seemed eager to point it out so they ignored it. Rook hadn't moved much the past few days but when John came to see him today he declared that Rook needed to shave. 

"I think I can shave my own face. Better yet, I don't need to shave," Rook nervously laughed. He knew his hair would soon be grown enough to be close to crazy cultish length but he wasn't eager to let John near him with a blade.

"I'm not letting you hold anything sharp. I'm not an idiot," John growled and forced his head to the side as he lathered it with foam. This close Rook could probably hurt him but in his condition, he wouldn't make it very far so instead he wordlessly let John manhandle him. They were in the small bathroom attached to the room currently being used as his hospital room. Like his room, it was furnished with a rustic feeling. He tensed the moment the razor touched his skin. If John wanted to kill him he had ever chance these past few days but he still didn't trust the man when he had a literal blade to his throat.

John pulled back and look at him closely, "You need to calm down or I'm going to accidentally hurt you." Rook took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He felt his palms start to sweat but he slowed his breathing and forced his body to release the tension it was clinging too. Soon the blade was back and slowly started scraping against his skin. This close he could smell John's aftershave. He could feel the small puffs of breath against his freshly shaved face.

Almost as soon as it started it was over and John pulled back with a hum. Rook lazily opened his eyes and stared up at John. The other softly pattered around the bathroom and pulled out a towel and wiped off his face. Rook didn't move a muscle as he let the other man work. "There," he declared softly, "that's the Deputy I know."

It's had been a little less than two weeks but Rook starting to go stir crazy. He'd almost bounced his leg through the bed multiple times and had talked the ear off of anyone that would listen. John seemed to linger and listen to anything he said and in return Rook listened to him. He liked it. It gave him something to do in the boring room he was becoming over-familiarized with.

"I'm bored," Rook didn't whine out in a tone that sounded very whiny.

John had been checking in and was almost about to leave when Rook cracked. The cultist turned to him, "What?"

Rook sighed, "I'm bored, okay? I promised not to cause an issue but I'm losing my mind. I need something to occupy myself or I'm going to end up doing something stupid."

John's face scrunched as if the words Rook was saying made no sense, "Do you want like a crossword puzzle or something?"

Room shrugged. He hadn't imagined this conversation getting this far. He'd assumed John would tell him to suck it up and walk out. "Anything you have," he tried.

John nodded and left. Rook went back to counting the imperfections on the walls and ceilings. The ceiling had three popped nailed, two patch marks, and a suspicious stain. The walls were wood paneled so it was up for debate if anything was actually Mother Nature working in her mysterious ways or fuck ups. Eventually, the door opened and John walked back in carrying a small wooden box. He wordless pulled over the empty side table and set the box down. This close Rook realized what it was.

A chess set.

Of course.

"I thought this would be something to do," John supplies when Rook didn't say anything. Rook watched him set up the pieces. He reached out took the piece he had namesake to. It was the ugliest piece on the board in his opinion.

"Did you get this because of my name?"

John paused briefly before quickly going back to setting the board, "I hadn't thought about it directly but perhaps in the back of my mind I had."

Rook leered, "Am I in the back of your mind often?"

John lifted his eyes and held his hand out, "Rook."

Rook's eyes snapped up. John had never used his first name, "What?"

John continued to watch him curiously, "The piece. I need the rook." Rook looked down to see he was still grasping the little castle figure. He handed it over quickly and John set the final part on the board, "You have the first move."

Rook stared down at the board and hoped it would give him some kind of clue. A full minute passed before he sighed, "I have a—" Rook caught himself before he could say confession, "I have something to tell you."

John leaned forward, "Yes?"

"I don't know how to play chess."

-

"I don't believe you."

"Lying is a sin, Deputy."

"You're trying to say that you've never had sushi."

John shook his head and continued writing. Rook pushed down a smile that threatened to split across his face. He'd been cooped up at the ranch for over two weeks and each day seemed more confusing than the last. Rook had assumed his little vacation would be filled with coercion and nonsensical preaching but instead, John just talked to him. All he'd done is talk as if he never had a chance to talk until he had Rook essentially tied to the bed.

He talked while peggie brought his and Rook's food to the room. He talked while doing paperwork at the small desk. He talked while a peggie awkwardly helped him get to the bathroom. John talked from the moment he waltzed into the room to the moment someone dragged him from it. He just never seemed to stop talking.

Rook's grateful John has a voice that he could listen to all day. He should also be a little worried about how much he enjoys the conversation.

A small part of Rook thinks that maybe John never actually had anyone to talk to. He knows John had something of a turbulent upbringing and when he thinks about Joesph and Jacob he can't imagine John having anything to say to them. He wonders if he had any friends before all this.

If he had anyone.

He wishes he could have met him before Joesph started all this. 

He wishes a lot of things.

"Why would I voluntarily eat raw fish?" John quirked an eyebrow.

Rook was propped up in bed since his leg was almost pain-free. He'd notice earlier in the day he could walk gingerly on it without wanting to collapse to the ground, "Because it's delicious."

"You sound like Jacob," John laughed and bit the back of the pencil. Rook couldn't help but smile back.

"I'm telling him you said that," Rook teased.

John rolled his eyes and looked back at the papers in front of him, "I'm sure you will."

"I will," Rook defended, "Give me a radio right now and I'll tell him."

John tossed him his radio and smirked, "Go ahead. You call him and I guarantee you Joseph will hear you and be here in less than an hour."

Rook made a face, "Asshole." John hummed in agreement but kept his eyes trained on the papers. "Whatcha doing? Making a list of people you need to cut up?"

"Believe it or not," John tapped the paper with his pen, "I am more than just my sins. I have to be. I have the end of the world to plan for and people to provide for."

"Right," Rook says, poking at the stitches that were starting to itch, "Save me a spot in case you're right."

"I already have," John softly answers.

"What?" Rook's head snaps up to watch him.

John keeps his eyes purposely down, "Nothing, Deputy. I have to go check on something. I may not be back until tomorrow morning. Don't blow my house up."

Rook silently watches John collect his things and make a hasty exit.

"No promises," Rook says to an empty room.

He needs to leave before he does something stupid like stay.

True to his word, John leaves a few hours before dark and doesn't seem to be in a rush to come back. Rook eavesdropped through the door on some peggies and gathered that John had randomly decided he had something important he needed to discuss with Jacob in person.

Rook waited until the last peggie meekly checked in to see if he was set for the night. He pretended to sleepily agree and waited for the house to grow silent. He knew he had to quiet about his departure because he was in no condition to fight anyone.

Cracking the door open slowly, he did a quick inspection of the house. Despite how long he'd been here he hadn't got much of a chance to see any part of the house beside his room and the adjoined bathroom. The house surprised Rook. He's not sure what he expected but it wasn't this and yet it screams John. It was large, open and rustic. It oozes money. Just like John, Rook mused.

With tiptoed steps, he descended down the stairs until he spotted a group of peggies loudly playing cards outside and listening to music that definitely wasn't cult approved. A single peggie was sleeping on the living room couch with headphones playing loud rock music. John needs to get better men stationed at his house. Rook crept through the house looking for an armory and the kitchen. He needed to be prepared for a long slow trip to Fall's End. He finds the kitchen first and starts pulling out nonperishable items to take with him. On his way to another cabinet, a note on the fridge catches his eyes.

'Get sushi'

Rook feels his whole body flush. There was no denying it was John's scratchy handwriting. He's not sure how long he inspected the note until he spots something from the corner of his eye. A small red light flashes on the kitchen phone, under it another note is taped.

'Don't touch'

Rook pulls the phone off the receiver and presses play.

"After all the atonements, all the confessions, all that you've done, all that you've done for me and Eden's Gate it's not enough... Is it, John?" Joseph somberly started. Rook clutched the phone tightly, "Cast away your past, you need to open up your heart to him, you need to show him the parts of yourself you hate. All the pain and suffering you spread will not help us in the long run. These actions will feed only the sin inside you. It will grow stronger, it will convince you to do wicked things. Those you scar too deeply, they will heal. They will become carriers of your sin. They will spread that sin to others. Do not scar him so much that you lose him.

I've seen your death in a vision. You're destined to be slain by your own sin. It will come back around in a new form, it's only a matter of when. I've seen you die young, at the hands of the monster you created. I've seen you die old, clutching tight the one you care deepest for. The difference between the two outcomes is how much love you let into your heart. How much you give to him and let him give to you. I pray that you hear these words before it's too late. I want to see you both grow old in the paradise we've prepared for. I love you, brother...I love you."

With shaking hands, he placed the phone back on the hook. In a near trance, he puts the food back where he found it and silently returned to his room. He should turn back around and leave. Run so fast and hard his stitches rip out. Run until he's out of breath and in so much pain he collapses but instead he lays back in the bed and falls into a restless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please drop a comment. Also yes i tweaked Josephs message to fit my story sue me


	3. The Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rook settles into life with John but he knows it can't last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> owowoowowow im glad at least a few of you are enjoying this story

Rook wakes up a little disoriented. The call felt like a dream. But it wasn't. It was an omen, for the both of them it seemed. He wonders if Joseph knew he'd hear it. Rook shouldn't still be here. He doesn't understand why he stayed. He needs to get out before he gets dragged in more. There's a whole county out there on fire and he's been sharing light pleasantries with John as if they're friends.

It's so easy to pretend. He likes pretending.

As if on cue, the door opens to reveal the devil himself. John stiffly stands in the doorway, "One of my men saw you walking around last night. He said you went into the kitchen and came back a few minutes later and then just went back to bed." It sounded an awful lot like an accusation. Rook decided to plead the fifth. John's eyes bounced frantically around his face before he nodded and relaxed his shoulders. John swallowed thickly and cleared his throat, "Yes well obviously if you were able to walk you'd be long gone so he must have been seeing things."

"Obviously," Rook echoed. John nodded and left.

The rest of the day passed in confusing tension until Rook decided to break it. "I heard you went to see Jacob," Rook started when John came in at dinner to see if he was hungry.

"How'd you hear that?" John sharply asked.

Rook waved to the door, "They talk loudly," John nodded and called for his men to bring dinner before sitting down. It felt like a victory to have John take his usual spot for dinner, "What did you see him about?"

John avoided his eyes, "It was a personal matter. I think he helped me put things in perspective though."

Rook nodded, "What kind of personal stuff?"

"I don't think you understand what personal means," John glared at him and then huffed, "I've been confused about things recently. He reminded me of what's important. Joseph has always been hopelessly optimistic in his expectations of people and the world. Jacob keeps me tethered to earth."

Rook isn't sure what to say. He spits out the first thing he could think of, "Where they always like that?"

The question startled John, "Jacob and Joe?" Rook nodded. "I guess I don't remember much about our time together as children."

Rook gnawed his lip, "What do you mean?"

John stared at his hands, "I guess you haven't read the Book of Joseph."

Rook shook his head, "No but I did light it on fire and toss it off the ruins of his creepy statue."

John opened his mouth to berate him but was interrupted by their food being brought in. He snapped his mouth shut and waited until they were alone again to talk, "We were separated as children. I was still young when I was taken from them."

"Oh," Rook lamely said, "I just assumed..." They ate to fill the silence, "You found each other again, though."

John slammed his silverware down. Rook would have jumped if he wasn't use to John's small outbursts, "Joseph needed my money. He had years to find me and never did. He forgot about me. That or he just didn't care."

Rook open and closed his mouth a few times before the words spilled out. "I think he loves you more than you could imagine. I think he's terrified to lose you again."

The raw look in John's eyes was too much for Rook to see so he turned stared out the window.

The only sound that passed between them was the scrapping of silverware.

-

"Got any fours?"

"Go fish."

"I miss fishing," Rook sighed and pulled a random card from the pile spilled across the center of the bed. He took in all of John while the cultist sorted through his card. Everything about him seemed so relaxed. He was sprawled lazily across the foot of the bed. One leg was twisted up under him and the other dangled along the length of the bed. He'd been poking Rook's side with his foot every time he thought he was taking too long on a turn. He could hardly believe this was the same man that carved hunks of flesh from people.

"I haven't fished in years," John absentmindedly replied. He stared down at his cards intensely, "do you have any twos?"

"Fuck," Rook grumbled and handed over his twos. Their hands lingered for a moment before John pulled back and placed his set of twos down in front of him. The moment passed so quick but the warmth it filled him with seemed to linger. These little flashes of closeness had been happening more often over the month Rook had been at the ranch and he was starting to seek them out.

"I'm going to win," John remarked smugly as he stared at his growing amount of matches.

"Shut up. Do you have any threes?"

"Go fish."

Rook eyes the small number of cards in John's hand, "Why do I feel like your cheating?" John pointedly ignored him, "Fine," Rook huffed and took another card, "Ha!"

Rook slapped down three threes. John rolled his eyes, "I'm impressed, Deputy."

"Damn straight," Rook gloated even though he was still losing and without thinking he said, "We should go fishing."

They both paused at the implication.

It was an invitation. A promise of seeing each other once he left. 

"I think I'd enjoy that," John whispered while watching him.

Rook swallowed, "Okay."

"Okay."

It's only now that Rook realized they'd slowly drifted closer to the center of the bed. The cards had all slide to a pile in between them. The game was ruined. It had been ruined for a long time. John was far too close. He was far too close to John. He wasn't close enough.

Rook just needed to fall forward a little more and–

The bedroom door was flung open by a wheezing peggie. They both sprung away from each other and sent playing cards flying all over the room. Rook's never been to hell and hopefully never will be but the look on John's face as he stared down his man was the closest he's ever been. "What?" John shouted.

"Sir," the peggie choked out, "Brother Jacob is here."

-

After John left to see his brother, Rook collected the cards and begun a game of solitary. He wasn't making much headway, his mind kept drifting back to John and whatever was happening between them.

Less than an hour later, the door creaked opened.

"So what did Rambo have that was so important he needed to come all the way down here?" Rook asked without looking up from his cards.

"To see just how deep in the shit his brother had got and from the looks of it he's pretty fuckin deep."

Rook's head snapped up at Jacob's deep voice. His threatening figure filled the doorway and seemed to block any light from coming through. Just the sight of him alone made Rook want to run for the hills. Rook said nothing but didn't take his eyes off the man as he stepped more fully into the room and closed the door behind him. "Are you going to speak?" Jacob huffed, "I've been hearing that you've had an awful lot to say to my brother." Rook kept his mouth shut. Apparently, that was the wrong thing to do. Jacob took a few steps closer, "This will be a lot easier if you just talk to me, Deputy."

"Where's John?"

Jacob narrowed his eyes. Rook watched a small muscle flex in his jaw, "I told him about a small issue along his border with Faith. Seems someone gave her the idea to let a few angels come in. We both know John hates those bastards," Jacob smiled, "I wonder who told her that."

"What do you want?"

"I want you to leave," Jacob spoke with firm intention.

"I can't," Rook lied.

"Do you think I'm stupid? I know you'd chew your own foot off if it meant staying out of my cage. Yet here you are, right as rain, playing cards in John's house. You're fine. You've been fine for a while," Rook glared at him. Jacob laughed, "that's what I thought. You have until John gets back to leave."

"Why?"

"Why are you staying?" Jacob hissed, "my brother isn't like Joseph and I. He's soft. He thinks with his heart. He always has no matter how much he tries to shatter it. It makes him weak. I won't let you make him weaker."

"I'm not," Rook started, "I don't, I just."

Jacob advances on him. Rook shrank back on the bed but Jacob grabbed him by the collar and yanked him forward, "You don't get to play with him. He's been through enough. He doesn't need you breaking him anymore. He can't take it. I won't let it happen," Jacob threw him back on the bed and storming to the door, "He's not a toy."

The door slammed behind him.

After what felt like an eternity but was only a few hours, Rook forced himself off the bed and took one last look around the room that had been his home for weeks.

-

John came back home feeling exhausted. He'd spent the last few hours yelling at Faith for letting her zombies cross the border and forced her to personally get them off his land and back to where they belonged. He just wanted to fall face first into his bed and sleep. He lazily walked to Rook's room and opened the door, "Sometimes I think I could kill her. Don't tell Joseph I said that."

The room was empty. Cards were scattered across the floor as a breeze blew in from the window.

John didn't move for a long time.

The peggies downstairs watched John slip into the room and softly close the door behind him. They could hear the quiet creak of someone laying down in the old bed.

No one made a sound the whole night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please drop a comment


	4. The Brother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rook tried to readjust to being on the opposite side of John

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really love Jacob

"So all that time I was gone things were good?"

It had been almost a week since he left the ranch. Once he made it back to Fall's End everyone got together for a little welcome-back-we-all-thought-you-died party. It was nice at first but Rook hadn't managed to leave the town yet. Every time he thought of strapping up and going back out he felt like falling over and sleeping. So he just didn't leave. He just sat at the bar. People were starting to notice but he didn't care. 

Sharky nodded, "Yeah man. Like the peggies stopped killing people as soon as they saw them. No one went missing. They stopped stealing everyone's shit and shit. Without you it was amazing." Grace elbowed him in the side, "Not like that, man. Like not that you being gone was good it's just while John had you locked up things started, you know, not sucking as much."

Rook nodded and took another sip of beer, "And now?"

"Now it's back to normal," Grace answered simply. 

Sharky glanced between them, "Well normal isn't exactly the word," Grace leveled him with a glare, "You know what? I'm going to shut up."

Rook started picking at the beer label and ripping off any pieces he could get ahold of, "I had to leave. Escape. I had to escape."

Grace narrowed her eyes, "No one's judging you. Anyone would run for the hills the moment they could if they were stuck with John Seed." Rook nodded and keep picking at the label. They all fell silent and before long Sharky announced he had to pee and left the room. Grace watched him before saying, "Are you going to talk about it?"

"No."

Grace frowned, "You know what kind of person he is."

"Grace," Rook clenched his hands, "I said I don't want to talk about it."

"He isn't human anymore."

Room slammed his fist down and pushed off the chair, "Listen, Grace, I said I don't want to fucking talk about it. I fell off a mountain. John found me. Kept me locked up like a dog and then I escaped. That it. End of story."

Grace didn't flinch, "I'm not stupid, Rook. I didn't think you were either."

Rook didn't need this shit, "I'm leaving."

Rook grabbed his bag, whistled to Boomer and stormed out of the bar. He climbed into the first car he spotted and started driving. He drove to the edge of the woods and started walking. Once he was so deep that no one could hear him or see him, he finally broke down. 

Rook screamed and collapsed to the ground with a sob. He was so confused and scared. Nothing made sense. He wishes he could go back before he fell and hurt himself. Before he knew John's eyebrows drew together when he was trying to figure something out. Before he knew what he looked liked perfectly comfortable in a room. Before he knew John. Before John answered him on the radio.

Since Rook left John hadn't done anything. Not a word. Complete silence surrounded his departure. 

Rook would give anything to hear his voice, even if it was filled with gruesome threats and seething with rage. 

-

"Get up."

"Fuck off."

Jacob kicked the side of the bed. The sound rattled through the otherwise silent room, "I said get up."

John flung the covers off and sat up, "And I said, fuck off."

Jacob let his eyes lazily slide around the room. The curtains were drawn tight and cast everything in deep muted tones, the bed was destroyed and slept in, half eaten food littered the floor, and an oppressive sense of despair hung in the air. He moved to the window and opened it to try and clean the room of whatever was hanging over it. A cool breeze started blowing in but if anything it just did more to highlight the depressing parts of the room. He now saw John looked no better than his room.

Jacob grabbed the desk chair and flung it around until it was in front of the bed and then sat down. John glared at him and sunk deeper into his filthy bed, "Where's all the food?"

"How should I know?" John snapped 

Jacob leaned forward, "Because you're in charge of feeding the whole fucking county."

John shifted his eyes away, "The sinners have taken back so much land that I'm having trouble keeping up with the demand."

Jacob narrowed his eyes, "How do you think they got so much land back?"

John scoffed, "If you came down just to lecture me on how to run my region you can leave now."

"You're not even running anything at this point," Jacob growled, "All you've done since your beloved deputy left is mope in his fuckin room and cry about it. You're starvin our people because you can't get over yourself. You have a job to do," Jacob knew his voice was rising but he couldn't help it, "He left. He made you weak. You don't need him and he didn't need you. He didn't want you." Jacob saw the moment he went too far as John's eyes mist over. Jacob instantly tried to backpedal, "Johnny, I'm sorry I didn't–"

"I thought he loved me," John whispered, "he didn't leave and I thought–, but then he," John shuddered, "Jacob, can I tell you something?" Jacob was never good with feelings but the earnest sound in his brother's voice made him nod, "Joseph knows about my feelings."

Jacob already knew this. Joseph had told him the moment the deputy escaped the helicopter crash that he couldn't kill him because John needed him, "I know."

John's eyes flashed with betrayal before he covered it up and continued, "He told me if I couldn't love him. If he couldn't love me that," John paused, "That I'll die at his hands. I thought I made him love me."

Jacob didn't believe in his brother's mythical powers. He never had but the fear in John's eyes was real and it was almost enough to make him a zealot, "I'll kill him if you want? Before he causes anymore issue. I'll make it look like an accident. Joseph will never have to know." The choking noise that came from his brother was answer enough. Jacob hesitated but pulled himself from the chair anyway and settled next to his brother on the bed.

John instantly fell into his side and Jacob was transported back to a time when they were younger. Guilt crept up his spine. All John ever wanted was someone to need him, someone to want to be with him and Jacob had told that one person to get away. 

The world wasn't fair for making his brother weak like this. 

-

It's been over three weeks since Rook left the ranch and so far he'd liberated two outposts in the Henbane region and he'd almost managed to forgot how sad he was. Almost being the key word here. 

They said fishing was a good way to get your mind off things and usually he'd have to agree but right now all he could think about was that he didn't want to be fishing alone. His mind kept drifting back to John and their accidental agreement to come out fishing together sometime. 

Rook angrily reeled his line in at the thought. He knew deep down he couldn't keep letting himself get worked up. He needed to find a way to clear his head because all he'd been doing for the past few weeks is riding high highs and low lows. He thinks he left all sense of stability with John. 

He misses John and everyone knows it. His little lie about being held hostage quickly unraveled when he couldn't keep his story straight and snapped at anyone who asked. It'd become an unspoken rule to simply not talk to Rook about whatever happened with John. Everyone just accepted that something happened and moved on because he was still a pair of useful hands. 

He cast his hook out again and started slowly reeling in. Next to him, Peaches purred and rolled over to bath more fully in the sun. He reached a hand down to lazily rub her tummy. A deep rumble told him she appreciated it. At least a few people still liked his moody ass. He wasn't going to think about the fact that those people included a dog and cougar and bear. Oh my!

"I don't think there's any fish here."

"Fuck!" Rook shouted and jumped in his seat. Peaches turned to look at the large redhead taking a seat next to her. Some help she is. Rook stared Jacob down like you would any large predator. Jacob pulled one leg up to his chest and put the other in front of himself. He was staring out at the unmoving water in the attempt to give off a calming presence but all he managed to do was make Rook want to run.

"I was wrong," Jacob eventually said. 

Rook got a bit on his hook but was too distracted to do anything, "About what?"

"My brother. More specifically, you and my brother," Jacob answered, "I won't apologize. I did what I thought was right at the time but I'm man enough to admit I was wrong," Jacob let his eyes slide to Rook before moving back to the water. 

Rook swallowed the lump in his throat, "Okay."

Jacob nodded, "You're slipping."

"No, I'm not," Rook defended automatically.

Jacob raised a curious eyebrow, "Did you even notice me coming?" Rook reeled his line in a little more, "Yeah. Well, I came to tell you to go back."

Rook's head snapped around, "Back where?"

Jacob stared back, "To John."

Rook stood up, "Look, I can't go back. Fuck, I don't want to go back. I can't. I shouldn't even be talking with you. I should kill you right now."

Jacob watched him closely but stayed sitting, "I don't think you want to anymore. I don't know what happened with you and my brother but you should go back."

"He's fine," Rook gritted out. 

"We both know that's not true," Jacob spit back, "He's falling apart now. Because of you and whatever you did to him."

"I can't go back," Rook said holding his ground, "He's a sadist masochist murdering psychopath. You all are."

"Pot. Kettle. Black," Jacob said as he pulled himself from the ground. They stood staring at each other for a moment before Jacob nodded, "Fine. Don't go back to him. But you have to go back to the valley."

Rook pulled his brow together, "Why would I do that?"

Jacob turned away to start leaving, "Because he needs to hate you. More than he ever has. He needs to feel something for you other than sadness."

"And why should I? You, Faith and Joesph, hate me enough."

John paused and stared at him, "I don't hate you," he started walking away, "but if you break him anymore I will."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comment! I love to hear what everyone thinks!
> 
> Do you think John and rook will get to see each other again?


	5. The Admission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rook is finally feeling like himself when he's reminded John's alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, I want to thank my best friend Sophie for cheering me on as I wrote this even though she doesn't give a shit about Far Cry. 
> 
> This was such a large task for me, you wouldn't believe. I've never wrote an outline for a fanfic but for this story I was forced to do it and I think it really helped me check pace. I've never written something this long (except a cringy fanfic when I was 13)

The first was the hardest. He took no pleasure in setting up the explosives. He felt nothing other than regret when he watched the silo blow up. He focused only on the pounding of his feet as he ran away before anyone could see. He had turned off his radio the minute he heard John ask why he saw smoke out of his window. Rook couldn't hear him. Not yet.

But once he did one muscle memory took over and he slowly got back into the rhythm of things. He started with small things that could be overlooked but soon people realized he was back and began asking for his help again. He tried to feign busyness but that only got him so far. Next thing he knew he was back to blowing anything he could up and putting a bullet in anyone's head that crossed his path. He ignored the twinge in his gut he had when he recognized the face of a peggie from the ranch. He pushed the guilt away when he realized he didn't even know their name.

But he kept pushing and before he knew it everything was normal.

Well, almost everything.

The oppressive silence on the radio weighed heavily on his shoulders.

"I think if I take the three on the left you can get the rest," Jess whispered from their position. Rook looked at the three she was going after and spotted the other seven. How is it that he always had to get more than everyone else?

Rook was about to ask her when he froze. John walked out of the main cabin no less than ten yards away and suddenly he felt a thousand emotions he'd been ignoring come back in full force. He wanted to sink into the ground. He wanted to run away. He wanted to run to him. It had been over a month since he'd seen him but it felt like an eternity.

Jacob's voice echoed in his head. He needed to make up his mind. He couldn't stay gray on this matter. 

"Rook," Jess started gently as they watched John talk to a few peggies before he went back inside and the peggies drove off with what he assumed were orders to do something.

He tensed up, "We're going to wait until he's gone."

"He's vulnerable," Jess tried, "I could do it."

Rook clenched his fists, "I said we wait."

Jess nodded and they fell into an uncomfortable silence. She eventually found a stick and begun the slow process of making an arrow. Rook tried to busy himself with a word search book he found but his eyes kept drifting up to the last place he'd seen John.

A little under an hour later, John got in his car and drove off but Rook didn't have the fight in him to do this. Still, he drug himself up and Jess followed.

Everyone was dead before they knew what hit them.

Rook's just glad he didn't have to hear anyone scream.

-

He's finally accepted he wasn't going to get better. He wasn't going to wake up one day without pain in his heart. There was no moving on from this. He needed to accept this. He had feelings for John Seed. Messy, confusing, desperate feelings.

That was the easiest part to admit in his opinion. The hard part was deciding what to do next. There didn't seem to be any right answer about what to do so he did nothing. He just wishes John would break the radio silence. He wishes he'd say anything.

He feels like he's pretending nothing happened.

-

"Happy anniversary, guys!" Rook smiled at the happy couple. Everyone had gathered at the Rye's house to celebrate the couples anniversary and impromptu baby shower. No one had traditional gifts to give but Kim didn't seem to mind. She gratefully took everything people brought for her soon-to-be baby.

Nick slapped his back as he came into the kitchen where the couple was getting some food out for everyone, "Hey, man, thanks. I'm really glad you could make it."

Rook hugged Kim, "I wouldn't miss it for the world. Plus I heard beer was involved and couldn't pass that offer up."

Kim laughed, "No drinking while I'm around. I'm sick of seeing everyone enjoy life while I sit here with a watermelon on my stomach."

"Ma'am, yes ma'am," Rook said with a mock salute and took a tray of food from her to help.

The rest of the night passed in a blurry of drinking, laughing, and storytelling. Rook almost spit up his drink when Hurk told a story about the time he backed his truck into the lake and ended up with close to seven trout in the motor.

Rook was content.

He just wishes they all could have collectively agreed to turn off their radios.

Every radio in the room crackled, silencing Adeline from asking if she should get everyone another round on her way back from the bathroom. They all listened closely to see if it was someone in need of help.

Rook was the only one that would need help.

"I'm sorry," the words cut through the air and stole Rook's breath. Suddenly a dozen eyes were on him as they all listened. "I'm sorry, Deputy." Rook gripped the tabletop to keep his hands steady. He hadn't heard from him in over two months and the sound of his voice nearly broke him. "I think I understand it now. All my life I'd never been enough. I knew it in my heart that I wasn't enough for my parents. I wasn't enough for the Duncan's. I'm not even enough for my brothers in the end. I try, but in the end, Deputy, it's not enough. I'm not enough. I'm too broken inside. I'm damaged beyond repair."

Rook couldn't breathe.

"I don't blame anyone for leaving and I can't blame you. I've thought about what I've wanted to say to you since you've left. I've thought about it a lot but even now the words feel foreign and foul. They feel fake and staged but I need you to understand that I mean what I say. You were right to leave me. I'm not angry, Rook. I'm not angry. You are forgiven. I forgive you."

A baptism. The forgiveness of sin.

You have to love them, John.

The radios feel into silent static for several seconds before John finally released the button and the room fell deadly quiet.

Rook's face was wet.

"I can't," Rook whispered and looked back at everyone before forcing his eyes to the floor, "I can't do this."

A hand gripped his shoulder and pulled him. Numbly, he followed the guiding touch outside and into the cool night. The cool air felt no better than the warm inside but at least he was alone now. A sob tried to force its way out before getting stuck in his throat. He sucked in a deep breath and more sobs broke loose. A pair of arms settled around him and gently lowered him into the porch steps. Behind him, he could hear whispering in the house. Rook curled in on himself and cried into his legs. Someone started calmly rubbing his back but it just made him cry harder.

He should feel ashamed or embarrassed for blowing up like this in front of everyone. These weren't just his friends but people that look up to him, a family. They didn't deserve to see this twisted weak part of him. "I love him, I think," Rook choked out, "but I have to kill him. But I can't. I can't do it."

"No one's asking you to," Jerome answered as he pulled his hand away. Rook hiccuped as his crying slowed.

Rook laughed wryly, "But you will."

"We won't," Jerome firmly answered.

"But someone will be asked. Someone will try and kill him," Rook's stomach turned.

"Yes."

The silence built up, "I'm going to see him."

"I know," Jerome sighed. Rook stood up shakily and looked into the night. He could make it to John in two hours, less if he took a car. "I only hope we don't lose you completely. That you'll come back to us."

Rook didn't answer as he walked into the darkness of Hope County.

-

"Did you think I wouldn't hear that shit," Jacob growled and narrowed his eyes, "Did you think Joseph wouldn't?" John rolled his eyes. He looked better than the last time Jacob had seen him. He was taking care of himself again and not laying in bed all day but under the bags under his eyes gave hint to the restless nights his brother had. He was better but far from perfect.

"What does it matter? What I said was true," John mumbled and stood from the kitchen stool.

"You think I don't fuckin care. You think Joseph doesn't care!" Jacob wanted to slam his fists on the kitchen counter as he watched John nonchalantly pour himself a coffee,   
"Why would you think that?"

"Where were you?" John spit out and quickly spun around, "Where were either of you?"

"John," Jacob started but was cut off.

"No! I didn't hide. I didn't hide like the two of you. I was a kid for fuck sakes. I was a kid and neither of you looked for me. You didn't reach out. You didn't come. You left me. You left me with people that hated me and you let them use me. I waited for years. I did everything I could to make myself noticeable. One google search and you'd find me. But you didn't," John threw his cup in the sink, "Joseph did, though. He found me. He found you, too. He found me because he needed my fuckin money. He doesn't care about me. He doesn't want me. Neither of you ever did." John drew in a choppy breath, "and the one thing I had that I cared about you took from me. So I'm so fucking sorry I had a small lapse in judgment but I think I'm due a few fucking of those!"

Jacob looked ready to scream back but something behind him caught his eye. He went ridged and clamped his mouth shut. John spun around and felt the ground nearly open below him.

"Hey."

-

Rook wasn't sure what would greet him when he returned to John but ending up pinned against the kitchen wall while John tried to choke him wasn't what he was hoping for. He knew it was an option, he just wasn't hoping for it.

"Hey? Hey! You leave for two months and you walk in and say hey?" John growled and tightened his hand. Rook tried to pull him off to explain but his grip was too tight.

Suddenly, John was ripped away and held back by his shoulder as Jacob shoved his way between them. John clawed at Jacob and yelled for him to let go but the older of the two gave him a final shove as warning and John settled. The moment the fight left his body Rook watched him sink into himself.

"John," Rook wheezed and rubbed his throat, "I'm sorry."

Jacob glanced between the two before huffing. He stepped close to Rook. "Remember our talk," he mumbled before leaving.

The room grew heavy as they stood staring at each other. Neither knew what to say. John never believed he'd see Rook again unless it was over the barrel of a gun and Rook never thought he would need someone like he needs John.

"You're enough," Rook choked out through his raw throat. He took a cautious step toward the cultist. John's eyes snapped to his and gazed over, "You're enough for me."

"Depu—"

"I don't know how to make this fucking work," Rook pressed and took a few more steps forward. He was almost close enough to reach out, "I don't know how to change us or the world or anything but we have to. We have to find a middle ground."

"Deputy, I—"

"We have to, John," Rook pleaded and closed the last of the space between them. He cautiously lifted a hand to ghost across the side of John's face, "Because I need you."

"Rook, would you please shut up?" He gritted out and leaned into the hand holding his face. Rook nodded numbly. "Good."

He saw the moment John moved in. He could have still pulled back. He could yank his hand away and shove him and run. Jacob was lurking somewhere and would come for him but he could still try. Instead, he closed his eyes and fell headfirst.

John's lips were dry under his but after months of wishing for nothing else, it was perfect. John was all he wanted and now he had it. He didn't know in what capacity or for how long but for right now he had John in his arms. He felt hands drift along his body and settle on his arm and neck and let it slowly tilt of their heads. He nearly crumbled at the small press of wetness at his lips but welcomed it without a moment's hesitation. The heavy pants that passed between them were the only sound in the silent room.

Slowly they pulled back for air and Rook pressed his head again John's. "I need you, too," John breathed against his lips. Rook shuddered and held him tighter. He wanted John so badly right now. He wanted everything he'd been denying himself and more, if John would give it to him.

There was a heavy silence. The question of now what hung thick around them.

Now, what indeed?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now I know this is sorta a cliffhanger but I do like this ending. 
> 
> That being said, I'm open to a second part of this story possibly a one chapter of before the bombs drop and then far cry new dawn au fic? like I'm open to suggestions but this is only if anyone wants it.

**Author's Note:**

> This was written as a personal fuck you to myself. I forced myself to write the full story before posting any of it


End file.
